Life Lessons

Do you have a favourite TV show from ‘back in the day’?  Whether your back in the day is the 1970’s with I Love Lucy, or the 1980’s hit Three’s Company – or the 1990’s hit show of Felicity – I am sure there are some quotes or lines that stick out. What about a life lesson? Or some of life’s top questions? 

Is it harder to count on someone or to know you’re being counted on? Fictional Sally from the TV drama – Felicity

I love the TV show Felicity. It came out in 1998 and was on TV or 4 seasons.  It’s about a girl – Felicity – who changes college plans and heads to New York University (instead of heading to Stanford to medical school as originally planned) to follow a boy.  I have watched and rewatched the series countless times.

Sidenote – this is my go-to while doing cardio at the gym. It’s all preloaded on my phone and I turn on an episode and walk, run, or bike away.

In season one, there is a lot of drama, hardship, and life lessons.  While watching it the other day, a statement (or rather a quote) was spoken that I never really paid attention to before:

Is it harder to count on someone or to know you’re being counted on?

This made me stop and ponder this life lesson.  What would be harder?  What would be easier? 

I began analyzing this quote and both sides of it.

Who do I count on?

• My spouse
• My family
• My friends
• God

With whom am I being counted on?

• My spouse
• My children
• My friends
• My business

What if someone you count on lets you down? How do you feel?  I know for myself, if someone lets me down, I get quite sad and hurt.  Depending on who it was, I can become crushed.  Have you ever felt this way?

What if you let someone down?  Someone who was counting on you?  How would that feel?  To know you let a loved one down.  Would you feel shame? Would you also be sad and hurt?

  

After analyzing these two sides, for me… I think it is harder to let someone down. If someone was counting on me, relying on myself, or requiring my support for something and I dropped the ball or didn’t come through for them – that would deflate me. It HAS deflated me. I strive to be supportive and attentive to others, but sometimes – that self-focussed pride gets in the way and I can completely be blind to those in need right in front of me. Even writing this out gives me such a crushing feeling. It just isn’t a good feeling to let someone down.

What to do if you have been let down?  

• First of all, do not react.  Put yourself in their place for a moment.  Are they going through something?  Having a hardship themselves?  If you know the answer is yes, then this could be why they simply forgot to be there for you.  

• Breathe.  Oftentimes, those you are counting on may take a bit longer to realize struggling in others or if you need or require help.  Be patient and I’d bet they will come around.

• Give grace.  We have all dropped the ball before when others need us, so give grace to those around you. If you really think about it, your loved ones are there for you most times.

• Be honest with them.  If it is a reoccurring problem that your loved one(s) are simply not there for you, have an honest conversation with them.  Not a reactive or harsh launch, but a loving heartfelt conversation expressing the need of their support or help.  You just may be surprised at how sincere they will be in you asking for help.  Maybe they were unaware.  

• Pray for them.  Give your hurt over to God.  You cannot change your loved one, but God can.  Give your sadness and hurt over to God and you will find yourself lifted of any frustration you may be feeling.  

What to do if you are letting others down?

Now, the flip side.  What if it is you who is dropping the ball and not being there for others?  Are others not able to count on you?  What if you are just realizing that YOU are that person who others depend on?  How can you become a more dependable, reliable, compassionate person?

• Work on being trustworthy.  Trust has everything to do with being able to count on someone.  If others can trust you, you will be that one person they can count on

• Be honest.  If you are honest with your loved ones about being able to do or not do something asked of you, this will solidify your dependability.  Saying yes to something then not showing up or completing it will create a lack in your dependable qualities.

• Be reliable.  Are you the type of person to flake out on your loved ones?  Not show up or help when asked?  Then, others will see you as someone they are unable to count on.  If you regularly show up and help, your countability scale will go up a notch.

• Dig deep into your own self. Are you (or have you been) self-focussed?  If you have been self-centred, self-focused or selfish in any way – for a long period of time, you tend to only think of yourself – not others.  Asking God to help change those qualities is the first step.  Reading helpful books or devotions like What About Me.  Or, stepping into a serving others mindset with volunteering at your church, school, or shelter.  These small, but significant steps can switch you from being self-focussed to being other-first.  

It’s amazing what a simple statement in a TV show can stir up.  That simple quote – “Is it harder to count on someone or to know you’re being counted on?”  really stuck with me this week.  Do you have a statement or quote that has done that?  Has a character in your favourite movie or TV show ever made you think? 

So, break out your old DVD’s or turn over to Pluto TV (a free app with a ton of old TV favourites) and get cozy with those old heartfelt shows.  I guarantee something will be said that will fill your heart with warmth or cause you to think about those important life lessons.