It’s Not Flowers Or Beer: What Men Really Want

I’ve been reading some devotionals lately about the differences between men and women and what both need or value in order to feel loved. Women value the need of feeling safe and secure along with being understood. This is not the same for men and often can cause confustion or even clashing in relationships or with those close male figures in your life. Does this sound like you? If so, maybe you just need a reminder or hint as to that one thing that will pour love into your spouse or your loved one?

Spoiler alert: flowers or beer aren’t the answer.

So… what is that one thing?

Men aren’t nearly as complicated as we sometimes make them. Yet many women tend to overthink what men truly need, which can lead to unnecessary frustration and over-emotional reactions.

We (us women) often assume men want things like:

• More alone time
• Time for sports
• Guys’ night out
• Be in control
• A ‘my way or the highway’ attitude
• Macho moments
• A passive wife

But in reality, what men want is far simpler—and far deeper:

• To be heard
• To feel valued
• To be respected
• To be loved
• To be thought of as a man of integrity
• To feel connected

If men are actually feeling heard, valued, respected, loved, known as a man of integrity, and connected with their spouses (or female connections) – all other aspects of life simply fall into place. You will notice you are not butting heads so much. You are laughing together more. You are sharing sweet moments more often. 

So what is that one thing that will pour love into your husband?

Simply put… hear him.

If you are giving the man in your life undivided attention (and that doesn’t mean stopping everything day in and day out. We all have lives, jobs, responsibilities with household chores and families) – even for a moment each day, you will soon see your spouse or loved one light up, soften, seem calmer, and even decrease any stress he may be carrying.  

Because men carry a lot—often far more than they let on.

Their minds are often filled with how to protect you, support you, ease any stress you carry, uplift you, and provide a safe and loving home. Like in our own home, they strive to lead with steady faith—as a Christian husband and father—so their sons and daughters grow up knowing their worth and value as they step into this world. Many of these responsibilities are carried quietly and unseen, because they never want to add to your burden. Their deepest desire is for your days to feel lighter, gentler, and filled with peace.

Side note: This in no way diminishes what women do. As mothers and wives, we carry an incredible amount—managing homes, careers, schedules, children, emotions, and everything in between. But many husbands and fathers carry those responsibilities too, often with the added weight of being the primary provider. In his mind, if he falls, everything falls. You may not agree with me and you certainly don’t have to. This is simply my perspective.

So, this Valentine’s Day, why not keep it simple.  Organize an evening (or a little get-away) for just the two of you.  Quiet, peaceful and calm.  Whether that is a quiet evening at home or a quaint dinner just the two of you, it’s time where you both can talk, both can listen, and both can laugh whole heartedly from deep in your souls.  

Because in the end, this is all he really wants.

You. 💕